Holiday Stress & the Nervous System: How to Stay Regulated During “Silly Season”

If you’ve ever wondered why the holiday season feels like an emotional rollercoaster, there’s something you need to know right away: it’s not a character flaw. It’s not a lack of willpower. And it’s definitely not because you’re “bad at holidays.”

Holiday stress is biological. Full stop.

You know how we joke about “silly season” like it’s all harmless chaos? Well… it’s not harmless. It’s actually the perfect storm of everything that pushes your nervous system toward overwhelm. There is more stimulation, more expectation, more social pressure, more high sugar food, more noise, more decisions, more travel, more lights, more conversation, more emotional labor — and all at a time of year when your body’s baseline is already a little more fragile.

So if you’ve ever felt irritable, anxious, overstimulated, shut down, or quietly resentful during the holidays, you’re in the right place. Let’s talk about what’s actually happening inside your body, in plain language, and more importantly, what you can do to stay regulated without burning your life down or becoming a holiday hermit.

So, go grab yourself a cuppa, and let’s get to it.

Why Holiday Stress Hits Harder Than Regular Stress

One of the first things I tell people is this, the holidays disrupt almost every stabilizing rhythm your body depends on.

Think about it. Your normal daily routine (the thing that quietly regulates you) disappears. Meal times shift. Sleep gets weird. Travel throws off your internal clock. Sugar increases. Alcohol shows up more frequently. You lose movement, sunlight, quiet time, and the predictable structure that keeps your system grounded.

Routine isn’t boring. What it is for your nervous system is regulation. The human nervous system loves predictability. Normally, our bodies can interpret data and determine our states from our previous nights. But when we throw in travel, or house guests, parties and gatherings, late nights... all these things can completely disrupt something called predictive processing. And here is the thing.... modern life does this well enough as it is. Our regular days overwhelm our prediction system constantly. Human nervous systems evolved in environments with slower rhythms, clearer signals, and consistent patterns. Today we’re inundated with sensory fragmentation, constant alerts, social comparison, unpredictable schedules, artificial light, and chronic stressors that outpace our ability to process them. And the moment routine dissolves, your nervous system loses one of its biggest anchors. During the holidays, this happens 1000 fold. But, there is a very important aspect of this that makes this so much more challenging and it is this; a dysregulated system interprets through the lens of survival, not truth. Not because you are broken, but because the body always defaults toward caution when it’s stretched beyond capacity.

But that’s just one layer.

You’re also walking into sensory intensity that you probably don’t even realize is affecting you. Holiday music blasting in stores, bright flashing lights, crowds, strong scents, endless talking, kids hyped up on sugar — you’re swimming in stimuli that your brain now has to filter. And filtering is work. People don’t realize how much energy this alone burns.

And then there’s the big one: family.

Whatever your nervous system learned from your family (the roles you played, the reactions you adapted to, the emotional patterns you survived) all of that is stored in your body. That memory doesn’t vanish just because you’re an adult. It shows up the moment you walk back into the environment where those patterns were shaped.

This is why the holidays can make fully grown, self-aware adults feel like they’re suddenly 12 again.

It’s not regression.

It’s recognition.... your body recognizing an old pattern and adjusting itself automatically.

And then we wonder why November and December feel like a lot.

Your Threshold of Tolerance Shrinks Long Before You Realize It

If you’ve heard the term “window of tolerance,” you know it refers to the zone where you feel grounded, present, and able to handle life. Stress narrows this threshold way down... Too much stress shrinks it faster.

By the time the holidays roll around, threshold of tolerance often becomes very small.

Here’s why:

You sleep less, which means your emotional regulation is already compromised.
You eat differently, which means your blood sugar is bouncing, which affects mood more than most people realize.
You socialize more, which drains your social engagement system.
You move less, so your body has fewer outlets for stress hormones.
You anticipate conflict, which keeps your sympathetic system hovering just beneath the surface.
You get fewer moments of quiet, so your baseline never resets.

People say, “I don’t know why small things set me off,” but the truth is you were already carrying too much. The thing that “set you off” was just the first thing that spilled over the edge. I have heard people say "the straw that broke the camels back." And that is a perfect metaphor for what we are talking about with the additional stress over the holidays.

This isn’t weakness. It’s physiology.

Let’s Translate What’s Actually Happening in the Body

I want to describe this in the simplest way possible, because once you understand the biology, the shame disappears.

When the holidays activate you, a couple things happen at once:

1. Your fight-or-flight system runs hotter than usual.
Adrenaline rises. Breath shortens. Muscles tighten. Your mind starts scanning for problems. Everything feels slightly urgent, even when nothing is wrong.

2. Your ability to regulate through connection dims.
This is the ventral vagal system and it is the part that makes you patient, compassionate, flexible, present. When you’re overloaded, it starts to go offline. You don’t want to be irritated, but your system literally doesn’t have the bandwidth.

3. Your freeze/shutdown states trigger more easily.
This is why some people become quiet, numb, foggy, or “checked out” at family gatherings. It’s not disinterest, it is protection.

4. Your gut-brain axis gets disrupted.
Travel, food changes, alcohol, and stress all shift gut bacteria, inflammation, and serotonin..... which affects mood, clarity, and overall stress tolerance.

5. Your fascia holds the season.
This one is important. Chronic tension, bracing, emotional suppression, and high alert all get stored in your fascial web. This impacts breath, posture, vagal tone, and the sense of being “in your body.” Many people don’t realize how much of their seasonal stress is literally wrapped into their fascia.

So again: nothing is wrong with you. Your system is doing exactly what it was designed to do when it encounters too much input and not enough regulation.

How to Stay Regulated (Without Becoming a Monk or Avoiding Your Entire Family)

Here’s the part most people get wrong, they try to fix holiday stress by thinking differently.

But thinking isn’t regulation. Your body does not regulate through logic. It does regulate through sensation, rhythm, exhale, movement, and boundaries.

What you need during the holidays are micro-regulation practices you can actually use in real life and that is not 45-minute meditations you’ll never do between errands and in-laws.

So here’s what actually works:

Do something to regulate before you leave the house.

Most people wait until they’re overwhelmed and then try to calm down. It’s much easier to lower your baseline before the stress hits.

Try something simple:

• a few deep exhales

• shaking out your arms and legs

• a 2–3 minute cold splash

• a short walk

• a song that grounds you

These tiny resets set your system up for a more regulated experience.

Lower your sensory load by even 10–15%.

You don’t need to avoid everything. Just soften the edges.

Use earbuds in stores.
Choose the quiet room.
Dim the lights at home.
Drive without music.
Leave one event off the calendar.

Small reductions in stimulation create huge shifts in nervous system capacity.

Eat in a way that supports emotional regulation.

Blood sugar stability is emotional stability. Period.

Protein first.
Don’t skip meals.
Hydrate like it matters.
Keep snacks with you.
Cut sugar in half when you can.

This isn’t about restriction. It’s about making sure your physiology isn’t working against you.

Give yourself tiny pockets of alone time.

Five minutes is enough.

Sit in the car before going inside.
Stand on the porch alone for a moment.
Walk around the block.
Stretch in the bedroom.
Close your eyes for sixty seconds.

Your system doesn’t need a retreat. It needs micro-moments of recalibration.

Reduce emotional labor without being rude.

This one is important.

You don’t need to:

• fix anyone’s mood

• engage in debates

• explain your choices

• mediate conflict

• be the family therapist

Lower the emotional labor, and your capacity increases immediately.

Move your body after events.

This is the one that nearly everyone skips — but it matters.

After a holiday gathering, your system is full of leftover activation.
Move it.

Walk.
Stretch.
Shake.
Dance.
Do a cold rinse.
Hop on your elliptical.
Take a long exhale.

Move the state, don’t store it.

Keep 2–3 non-negotiables, no matter where you are.

Pick the things that stabilize you — and protect them.

A morning slow moment.
A walk.
Supplements.
Hydration.
Going to bed at a reasonable hour.
A few minutes of quiet.

Non-negotiables aren’t rigid.
They are self-respect in practice.

Let’s Talk Honestly About Family Stress

The holidays bring you face-to-face with the patterns your nervous system learned from childhood. It doesn’t matter how much personal work you’ve done..... your body remembers.

So let’s normalize a few things:

If certain people make you feel small… you’re not imagining it.

If you walk into your parents’ house and immediately feel ten years younger… your body is recognizing old dynamics.

If you feel yourself shifting into fawn, freeze, defensiveness, or caretaking…that’s your survival pattern showing up.

None of this means you haven’t grown.

It just means you’re human.

A few things can help:

Name your pattern before the event.

Awareness gives you choice.

Shift the pattern by 5%, not 100%.

A tiny shift is sustainable.

Let people be who they are.

Expecting them to change is the #1 way to get dysregulated.

Practice emotional minimalism.

You don’t need to participate in every conversation you’re invited into.

Leave while you still have capacity.

Not when you’re fried.

These are boundaries, but they’re gentle ones.

You’re Allowed to Feel Joy Too

This part matters.

Regulation isn’t just about avoiding overwhelm. It’s about creating more room for joy.

When your nervous system has space, you can actually feel:

• presence

• warmth

• connection

• meaning

• gratitude

• softness

• awe

These moments exist in the same season but they just need room to land.

The more supported your body feels, the more available joy becomes.

The Bottom Line: You’re Not Broken.

You’re Overloaded

If you take nothing else from this, let it be this:

Nothing about your holiday experience is a personal failing.
It is your nervous system doing what it has been biologically designed to do when there is too much input and not enough regulation.

You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re not “too sensitive.” And you aren't imagining things.

You’re responding to the season in a completely human way.

And now you have tools (simple ones) that can help you move through the chaos with more ease, more presence, more groundedness, and yes… more joy.

Your nervous system is not asking you to be perfect.

It’s asking for rhythm.

And every tiny rhythm you give it this season becomes a gift to both you, and the people you love.